If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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