How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
