Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
