I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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