I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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