I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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