mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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