Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what day is it and did you see me today?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
