I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
