Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
