I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
two words: eviction party
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
