he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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