Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
