Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize