I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
