It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
