I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
