just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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