I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i think i just lost a toe
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
