we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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