Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
