It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
