You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
