HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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