i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
wow bdsm is so cute
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
