I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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