Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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