If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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