I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
