soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
