Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
