it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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