I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
