Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
