I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
