That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize