You really coming over, don't trick.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize