I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize