I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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