So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize