I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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