He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
