Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
