you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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