well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My vagina just recognized that song.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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