dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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