so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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