If that was your dad, he is hot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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