my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
