He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
