it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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