the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
