The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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