I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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