A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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