i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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