his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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