when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
