For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
