Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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