She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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