Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
