Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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