I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
