Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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